When Parents Want to Coach
by Steve McGill

Dealing with parents is a basic element of coaching at the youth level and high school level. For me, over the past thirty years, I’ve had extremely few issues with parents. The large majority appreciate the work I do, stay out of the way when it comes to training sessions with their kids, and are willing to help wherever and whenever needed. I have had a few parents over the years who have some knowledge of sprint mechanics, hurdle mechanics, block start mechanics, etc., and as long as they don’t step on my days, I never have a problem with them adding their input. In my private coaching, I want as little help as possible. Help me set the hurdles up, go ahead and film as many reps as you can, but don’t give the athlete any instruction. You’re paying me to coach your child, so let me coach your child.

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Recently a parent ended a relationship with me as her daughter’s coach, and I have to admit it’s probably for the better. The athlete – I’ll call her Sandy – was having issues with her lead arm twisting, causing her hips to twist. We’d been working on this flaw since the summer, and although we had made progress in correcting it during drills, she reverted to the same habit when going faster from the start line. So, a couple weeks ago, I had a very frustrating session with Sandy, although we got some good reps in toward the end of it. The frustration had mainly to do with her mom, who babied her too much and was one of those parents who was always trying to assist with the coaching. I don’t like parents coaching over me, giving the athlete instruction after a rep after I’ve already done so. It’s like, you asked me to help your daughter to become a better hurdler, so get out the way so I can help her become a better hurdler. When parents try to be hurdle coaches, that’s a problem. It can be a deal-breaker if it happens too much. 

The tension began when I yelled at Sandy. Ironically, I yelled at her after a good rep – a rep when she executed her lead arm action the way I’ve been trying to get her to do for the past three months or whatever. Sandy tends to zone out at times; she’ll be real focused for one rep and then drift off into space the next rep. So I yelled at her that we can’t be satisfied with one good rep. I yelled that “We’ve gotta get two good reps, three good reps! This has to become our normal! This has to become how we do!” I was trying to light a fire under her, get her to increase her urgency level. We can’t keep working on the same flaw for months and not make any noticeable progress. We had made progress over lower heights, but at race height we reverted back to the same old thing – twisting the arm and swinging it wide on the way down, killing all forward momentum. 

So I didn’t think anything of it. Sometimes you have to get in an athlete’s face if talking softly is not proving to get them to understand that you’re not satisfied. I was fully expecting that Sandy would walk back to the starting line and knock out another good rep. Instead, her mom intervened, saying to me, “She’s not okay,” and walked to Sandy and stood face to face with her. For the next 5-7 minutes or so, she talked to Sandy, apparently comforting her (probably offering to take her home, I now realize) while I stood there waiting. I was about to put my yellow practice hurdles in my wagon and leave. Finally, their conversation ended, and Sandy did her next rep. After the rep, I instructed her to focus more on pushing her hips forward to avoid spending too much time in the air. “Push forward, not upward.” Next thing I know, her mom is telling her something else right behind what I had just told her. 

Then her mom and I got into it, as I tried to explain to her that she needs to let me coach the girl. Mom tried to shout me down but I wasn’t trying to have it and I was about to lose it. Long story short, her mom walked to the other side of the track and talked on her phone to somebody, and the rest of the practice went very well. For the first time since we began working together, Sandy was answering questions when I asked her how a rep felt. After one rep, where she landed off balance over the hurdles, I said that it probably has to do with her trail leg lagging, “but let me watch from a different angle this time to be sure.” The next rep, she had no balance issues, and her trail leg looked great. When I approached her after the rep, I asked her if she had done anything differently. She responded that she had focused on pulling her trail leg through. I pumped my fist with joy. She was getting it; she was getting the idea that she has to think her way through and feel her way through and not just robotically do rep after rep. 

So I was in a good place by the time the session ended, relatively speaking. We left the parking lot agreeing that we’d meet at the same place some time next week. Then the following week, a little before I was about to leave the house for practice, Sandy’s mom texted me to tell me that due to the “incident” last week, my services would no longer be required. Wow, how petty can you be? Incident? You mean, me trying to coach your daughter? I just texted her back “okay” because I’m not about drama. I’ll miss Sandy because I really liked her, but if her mom is going to be that protective, then it’s best to cut ties now. In my thirty years of coaching, I might have yelled a total of three times. And when I do, it’s never to assert my power; it’s always in the spirit of helping the athlete to get better. But if that’s how she’s gonna be then that’s how she’s gonna be, and I have to be okay with it even if I’m not. 

In the big picture, my advice to parents is to let coaches coach. Be supportive, but don’t intrude on a coach’s space. It’s not fair to the coach and it’s really not even fair to your own child.

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